I wish my sister never told my mom because now it's in the open but nothing's changed. I would report it to the police but I don't have any way of proving it so it'd probably make a big mess and then nothing would happen (just like with my family).

He drugged me in the past and I'm scared he'll drug and rape me again. I'm fine with sucking it up until I move but fear that how my dad knows I came out and no one believes me will tell my dad he can do it and get away with it again. My sister thinks I'm making this up and that I just know what my dad gives head like because one of my dad's ex girlfriends told me (that never happened). I told my mom what my dad gives head like and she cried and said he won't come back but now she's in denial again.

They said it didn't happen because I said they were around it and they don't remember it but that's because they're in denial. I will not talk to anyone in my family about it because I can't stand how they imply they think I'm insane and make this stuff up. I'm planning on just sucking it up and dealing with it like how I have my entire life until I can get my own apartment. My mom wants me to go to a therapist but I won't because I live in a small town, everyone knows everyone, and regardless of any privacy rules I've seen how information slips out of people when they're drunk and think they can trust someone. I need to get out of this house ASAP because the situation is driving me nuts. I applied for a job an hour away from where I live and have plans to get an apartment with friend but that probably won't happen for a few months and my dad will move back next month. I'm not ready to heal from this I just really want my own apartment so I can get away from my family. I do not feel safe around him because he sounded so sick when he laughed about my body shaking and because he drugged me in the past so I'm scared he will drug me again. He still comes home randomly and unannounced and I feel too scared to leave my room. My dad left the house because my parents want me to feel safe but will return after I graduate college (because I said I won't be able to deal with this and graduate at the same time). My dad called me and confessed he did it because he said he doesn't want me to think I'm crazy. I've been to therapists and have had PTSD, anxiety, and depression. My family thinks I'm insane, hallucinated it, or and am an evil person for making up terrible lies. I told my sister he molested me as a child and she told my mom who told my dad. He must have heard me because I woke in the middle of the night and he was standing over me staring at my boobs.

One night I was hot so I took my clothes off when I was sleeping. I was in denial when I moved home so it wasn't an issue but then I remembered and it was extremely stressful for me. My mom and dad lived together and I had to move home because I'm in college and other reasons. My mother once spoke with me about it and she said it was ok because he paid for me and my siblings to get braces (my mother basically whored me out to my dad and my dad whored me out to others). He then said 'your entire body was shaking'. When I came out about my sister molesting me my dad said 'you're mad at her but you're fine with me' and gave a sick, twisted laugh. I've been in denial about it most of my life (I had a couple flash backs but then went back into denial). All of this happened when I was around 8 years old. My dad also whored me out to other men one time. I believe she listened to him because he had verbally and physically abused her for over thirteen years and that messed her up in the head. He told her to leave the room, she did, and then he did the rest of the stuff to me. He let her in, she grabbed his arm and said 'you, you' in a shaking voice. My mother heard me scream when he performed oral sex on me and banged on the door. I became unconscious after that so he may have done more but I don't remember it. I remember one time he drugged me, kissed my neck, performed oral sex on me, bent me over the bed, tied my hands behind my back, inserted a vibrator into my butt, video taped it, and told me he was going to make a lot of money and I wasn't going to get any of it. There were many times when he would kiss my neck. My Dad sexually abused me when I was a child.

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